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Day 03
In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator.

I meant to write these as self-recs, I swear. And then instead I accidentally just waxed poetic about why these three stories are significant to me instead. *jazz hands*

You Shouldn’t Go With Him (When You Could’ve Had Me) 20k
Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump/Ray Toro
During the hiatus, Patrick starts dating Ray while he records Soul Punk in Chicago. Out of nowhere, Pete starts sending him cryptic text messages: lyrics, poetry, things Patrick could probably decipher if he tried. But. It’s been months since they put the band on hold, and Patrick’s still entirely out of things to say to Pete. Cue surprises, angst, mistakes, heartache, porn and a rather blatant disregard for canon timelines.

This story was the first thing I wrote after a decade-long creative dry spell. It tumbled out of my head unexpectedly over the course of a week and I never had any idea what the next scene was going to be while I was writing it. As the story took shape and I committed it to paper, I felt relieved and exhilarated and proud and competent. After posting it to AO3 and receiving surprisingly positive feedback, I felt connected to fandom in a way I hadn’t for the decade+ that I’d been lurking. I stopped admiring other people’s work from afar and actually started leaving comments. I participated in a challenge. I pushed through anxiety that had until then had felt quite overwhelming. I started making friends. This story will always have a place in my heart because it was my way in, it was the unexpected little gem that showed me I had something to contribute.

And I’ll Burn 25.5k
Pete Wentz/Patrick Stump, Frank Iero/Mikey Way
Hooker!AU. Pete’s a 23yo finance professional trying to make sense of his life after an incident in a best buy parking lot. He’s lonely, anxious, disconnected, but lately he’s been driving past this one beautiful boy on a street corner, pale and underweight and most likely jailbait. He finally grows a pair and puts some money in an envelope.

This is probably the thing I’ve written that feels the most complete to me. I’m particularly proud of the characterizations, the silences that neither of them have words to fill, and the use of juxtapositions as a narrative devices (privileged/disprivileged, connected/alienated, fed/hungry, resilient/fragile, etc). Beyond the love story, like most of my work it also tells stories about addiction, sadness, loss, anxiety, loneliness, and is partially autobiographical.

I have the beginning of a sequel in my drafts folder, a story that unpacks what happens after they get together: Pete’s still struggling with his health and Patrick’s still a sex worker and the world still isn’t easy for them. It never quite got off the ground, but talking about it now has made me want to revisit it.

Old Scars / Future Hearts 50k
Grant Morrison/Gerard Way/Frank Iero, Pete Wentz/Patrick Stump, Mikey Way/Kristin Blandford, Ray Toro/Jessica Simpson
Frank is not a fucking junkie, he tells himself repeatedly throughout this story centered on a Narcotics Anonymous community in New Jersey. He isn’t. He just doesn’t quite remember how to deal with his life without booze and drugs. Then he meets Gerard (mysterious and dark and understanding) and Grant (safe and generous and seductive), and things get… complicated.

Through an ensemble cast of addicts in this NA community, this tells a number of parallel stories about recovery, redemption, forgiveness and hope. About starting where you are, letting go of where you’ve been and learning to move towards better things. It’s a little bit about kink and poly, but mostly it’s about pain in all its guises and attempts to hurt less.

Almost in parallel with Frank’s journey in this story, I was struggling with my own anxiety and chronic pain while writing this. It hurt more than anything I’d written before, it was only meant to be 12K and somehow grew all these feelings and backstory and clocked in at a dizzying 50K. I’m still unable to see the forest for the trees with this fic; some of it was written very last minute and I don’t know if it worked like I meant it to. It’s probably the piece of writing I feel the most vulnerable about, the writing process I learned the most from and the story where feedback means the most. This was the first time I’d worked with a beta or showed my work to anyone while writing and it was alternately terrifying and encouraging and I feel very proud of it.

Whew, overshare. Thanks for reading :)

February 2016

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